Funny How Life Gets in the Way

When I started this blog, I was un(der)employed and filling in the time between the few interviews I was getting and intermitent job searching. Then, out of desperation, I took a retail 'position' to pay a few bills while I continued my search and, all of a sudden, the creative well dried up. Good thing no one reads this anyway.

Actually, the well is still there. The water is just being used to sustain my sanity, rather than my creativity. When one has experienced success in the business world (along with profound failure) and is reasonably well-educated, it takes a while for the reality of prolonged unemployment to register in the waking areas of the brain. What'll rouse ya' up a lot faster is jumping in with the rest of the "working class" and finding out what its really like at ground level.

That's no dis' to anyone who works too hard for too little. I have disdained Walmart and it's business practices for years. I just never realized how many retail megacorps have bitten on their business plan letter for letter. No one's naming names. I'm just saying, contrary to the signs I have seen in the company break room, food stamps do not necessarily make America stronger.

I'm rambling. Back to the point... Haven't written in a while but I am refromulating and rechanneling. More Later.

Be Careful What You Don't Wish For

Roughly two weeks ago, I recounted a nugget of profound wisdom that was bestowed upon me by a "name tag wearing" GM I used to work for as a teenager. Well, as employment prospects remain slim and the mortgage payments aren't going away, I have been forced to accept a 'position' as a 'coordinator' for a well-known discount chain. This is most definitely a temporary (read: survival) gig as I am more driven than ever to find something that meets (or comes anywhere near) my qualifications. Still, it is fairly humbling to take orders from an 18 year old with nose rings, red/blue hair, and black lipstick. I'm an MBA for Chrissakes!

My sincere apologies to everyone who wears a name tag. It was not my intention to upset the karma kart. Note: all you entrepreneurs who have the best idea ever should heed this post as a warning of what could be. For every Mrs. Fields there's a pile of shmoes like me guttin it out for pennies after the big crash.

The Mighty Advertising Dollar

She only reads the sports section

Many entrepreneurs confuse marketing with advertising and assume that if you're doing one, then you must be doing the other. Even skilled marketers who have a grasp on the scope of their profession will place way to much emphasis on advertising channels (or not nearly enough). Developing the right marketing mix requires far less intuition and creativity than people think and a lot more of time consuming research (zzzzz).

As an entrepreneur with both a Bachelors and Masters in business, I should have seen that I was making the same errors in judgement. I figured, to give our new business a real boost, I would take advantage of my Associates in Advertising (yep, got one of them too) and put together a comprehesive ad campaign that took advantage of local print, radio, and cable mediums. "Screw researching our market and setting metrics for ROI," I thought. "Since I'm saving a boatload by doing most of the conceptual and design work in-house, we should be rolling in green by this time next month."

Using that logic, I proceeded to sign extended ad contacts with a regional lifestyles magazine, a local weekly arts publication, the city newspaper, a local radio station and cable company, a cinema screen advertising company (the biggest waste of money out of them all), and the area community paper. I was cranking out cleverly designed, catchy ads at an insane click. I was so busy buying media that I didn't take the time to notice that none of it was really working, save the arts publication. That worked reasonable well even though, on paper, it missed our demo of affluent suburban women. Measuring ROI really wasn't an issue because, after all the ad money is spent, it's not that hard to quantify $0.00 against $$$$$$.

Researching the best methods to reach our market might have turned up a highly cost effective (read: guerilla) solution that I had overlooked: charity events. Sure, we would donate items to high school organizations and the like when asked, but that was just our way of being a good corporate citizen. Then, by chance, we got invited to participate in a few charity events where we were asked to display our products. These were well attended by professional women who were well-plied with wine and ready to spend for a good cause. At the end of the night, we paid a portion of goods sold (usually 25%) and walked away with the rest. Some would say that 25% of revenues is a lot, but that figure was nicely diluted when, after each of these events, we saw an marked increase in business over the weeks that followed.

The point to this is, if you aim to fail then advertise into the wind. It's a plan that will blow your big idea down in no time. If, for some reason, you want to go the distance, then start small. Be a friend to the community. Find ways to contribute and still hold a percentage of your gross margin (be willing to take a loss here and there). Save the ad budget until you have a solid, well-researched marketing plan in place and remember: 'Viral' marketing is only contageous when the customer is within "sneezing range."

The Exquisite Pain of a Protracted Job Search

One of these guys is finishing second

The only thing worse than having a job is looking for one." This chunk of blunt-force wisdom was bestowed upon me when I was nineteen years old and tenuously employed at a regional (pre-big-box) discount retailer. It was recited (with little affectation) to me by none other than the General Manager at the time (a revolving door position) and it has stuck with me ever since. While somewhat poignant and indisputably concise, the statement has found residence with me more because of who said it, rather than for its content or purpose.

When you're in your late teens and looking forward to the days of summer before college resumes, the last thing you want is the shackles of employment holding you down. The beach, girls, and keg parties beckoned, but the beer money had to come from somewhere so I took a customer service 'job' with the afore-mentioned employer. From the moment I filled out my W-2, I proceded to do as little as humanly possible to maintain my minimum-wage gravy train. After several weeks of late arrivals, long lunches, and exasperated sighs from the area manager, the GM pulled me aside to 'reprogram my attitude.' This was where, as a man of maximum threats but minimal action, he made his statement for the ages.

The GM wanted to instill the fear of losing my job in me by noting how difficult the job market was, but those words are usually wasted on a teenager. Where he succeeded was in helping me realize how a few bad decisions can add up to a life wasted in an unwanted and unrewarding job. Here was a guy in his late forties whose best advice to a subordinate included the words, "the only thing worse than having a job." Not to disparage the discount retail class, but the guy had reached a level of reasonable authority in his career, but he was still required to wear a name tag. Wow. I made a mental note to never settle in my career and always strive for truly satisfying, rewarding work.

Well, mental notes are just that, and they can sometimes get lost under a pile of more pressing responsibilities, like mortgage notes. For a time it seemed like I might be on the same path that my GM was on. I could see what the teenager in me couldn't: we work for more than just personal gratification. We work to survive. More often than not, to achieve career happiness we must integrate our dreams where we can and accept the rest that comes with it. "Do what you love" is a wonderful concept, but sometimes it is only possible to try to love what you do (to paraphrase CSN).

Anyway, when I got the shot to break out on my own, I took it and didn't look back. I would not be my former GM. The company I started enjoyed a few years of moderate success followed by a spectacular crash and burn. The stress it caused me probably took five years off my life. Still, I'll never regret trying to do my own thing (better to regret action than inaction), because it was never somewhere I just ended up. It was what I wanted and strived for. The regret I do have is that I didn't maintain many contacts from my previous job. Networking is everything. Nowadays I am immersed in the second part of that somewhat prophetic pronouncement: I am enduring the "worse" of job hunting. And it, indeed, sucks.

Here I am: educated, experienced, entreprenurial... I have all the requisite 'e's, but I only get one interview for every 100 resumes I send out. And I almost always make it to the third round where it is me and one other nameless, faceless contender. And so far, I have come in second place more than twice. If this were the PGA, I would always on the leader board but five shots off the lead.

Funny what I wouldn't do for a shot at the GM position at the local Dollar General right now.

The Location Looks Great!

Should You Choose Your Landlord Carefully?

How to kill a business, Rule #34b: Because bad decisions are often complimented by exponentially 'badder' outcomes, do absolutely no research on your future landlord before you sign a long-term lease. Does the space look good? That's good enough. I mean, what could happen? It's not like the roof is going to fall off and nearly kill one of your best customers... or anything.

A Puzzle

Coheed and Cabria's success is a complete mystery to me.

Presumed Profitable

America's Next Millionaire

I prefaced this post with some background. For the disinclined, go ahead and jump forward to the main text or just click away to eBay (it’s a free Internet).

As my resume proudly promotes, I boast both an undergrad and a mighty master’s degree in business administration. After a slow start (and stop) in academia over a decade ago, I jumped back into erudition with both feet in 2000 and earned my degrees back-to-back (in what I can only remember now as a haze of copious coffee consumption and computer key clicking –alliteration is fun).

Anyway, what I have learned post-graduation is that the knowledge gained in an MBA program is far more valuable than any prestige that might (or might not) be associated with it. Especially since it is likely that MBAs will be just as common as high school graduates in a few years. While every course I completed offered value, I took the most away from the ones that focused on case analysis and strategy.

The core tenet of any business program is that planning is at the root of virtually all successes. The only other thing that was hammered into my brain with the same regularity was that, to truly understand great leadership, you must first accept that there is no patented formula to it. They could have told me that before I signed the tuition check. What they also could have mentioned was how, frequently, diligent strategists contaminate their well-researched plans with too many enthusiastic presumptions.

Meat & Potatoes…

Too little is made of the presumptions that are made when an entrepreneur plans a venture. Also known as ‘guesstimations’, these ballpark figures are usually footnoted in small print on the last page of a newly minted b-plan. This is done most likely to obscure unknowns from an investor who will then view bottom line projections as hard fact. The obvious problem here is that presumptions are an accepted component of a plan to begin with when, for many, they exist simply to add a rosy color to inconclusive research. With this, you might want to say, “Banker, beware!” but what you should really be saying is, “Entrepreneur, wake up!”

The process of writing and composing a business plan is an arduous one if it is assiduously pursued. There are no easy routes to nailing down reliable data and even the good stuff can be slightly tainted by time. After all the hard work that goes into it, there will still be gaps that need to be filled before it is sent to the printer. Intuition, personal experience, and outright wishful thinking usually provide the best spackle.

So as to not turn this post into a novel, just follow the examples in my random musings and before long, you can put the first nail in your business idea’s coffin and have a fistful more to finish the job.

Hey retailers: see my advice for choosing a space next.

A Few Year-End Favorites

Instant Classic

I know I dedicated this blog to business, but I can't help throwing a year-end list in here. In no particular order and woefully incomplete...

1. Iron & Wine/Calexico :: In the Reigns
2. The Hold Steady :: Separation Sunday
3. Old 97s :: Alive & Wired
4. Wilco :: Kicking Television
5. Sons & Daughters :: The Repulsion Box
6. Stars :: Set Yourself on Fire
7. Matt Pond PA :: Several Arrows Later
8. Wolf Parade :: Apologies to the Queen Mary
9. Spoon :: Gimme Fiction
10. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah :: Self Titled
11. The New Pornographers :: Twin Cinema
12. Ambulance Ltd :: LP
13. Elbow :: Leaders of the Free World
14. Weezer :: Make Believe (I know its totally average, but I'm old friends with the drummer)
    
15. Athlete - Tourist
    

It Takes More than Balls

He's Halfway There

A person's goals evolve as they progress from adolescence through the various stages of adulthood. Everyone, regardless of their station in life, aspires to be something greater than they are or to have more than they do. This is no secret, but it is a fact that drives those with an entrepreneurial mindset to take chances that most individuals might not.

The security of a weekly paycheck and health insurance is not enough to keep some of us from jumping into the fray. The unfortunate result is, for every Gates or Trump, there are thousands of nameless also-rans that litter the free-market landscape. Throw a rock or two in the local unemployment office and you’ll likely hit at least one. You might hit me.

As I am my own best reference, the following is chart to illustrate what my aspirations were, relative to the age I was when I had them.

My Age and My Aspiration

16	Driver’s license
18	Good Fake ID (or to be 21)
21	To make $25K a year
25	To be a good husband (and make $35K a year)
28	To be a good father (and start my own business)
31	For the business I started to be successful
36	For some kind-hearted soul to hire me (security)

Of course I had other goals, but this is to illustrate how my priorities changed over the years. I basically climbed Maslow's hierarchy of needs and fell off the other side. At one point, I was employed with a great job (VP, $92K annually, health, company car, 3 weeks vacay, etc.), the next I was running my very own ship (dinghy?), and the next I was liquidating the company assets and desperately trawling the job boards. Clearly, I made a lot of mistakes and, subsequently, I learned a ton of lessons. Lesson #1: To succeed on your own, it takes more than balls.

It also takes more than just a great idea and an investor who likes the looks of your pro formas (a quick note- if you like disappointment, as you put together your sales forecast, base it on the presumption that you will get 5% of your market in the first year. Everyone thinks that 5% is a cautious and realistic number and it rarely, if ever, is. Your banker will love your forecasts until you need to refinance his institution's investment after 9 months. More on this down the road.) To succeed on your own, you need a laundry list of quantifiable and qualifiable things. Since the goal with this blog is to teach you how best to fail as a business owner/leader, pursue alternatives to these future post topics if you want to succeed.

1. Got cash? Use it. Why deal with banks if you don't have to?
2. Franchise schmanchise -I'm not in it to make $$ for others
3. Doers do. Planning is for architects and engineers.
4. Marketing Rule #1 -Throw $$ at everything until its starts coming back
   
5. Price per square foot is the best retail space value indicator
6. "Long-term contracts are fine, because we're gonna make it!"
7. When the SBA doesn't pony up, Mastercard can.
8. I have great taste so lets merchandise what I like
9. "Who needs an accountant? I have Quickbooks!"
10. Changing direction in mid-stream has got to work (nothing else has)

The next post will be for those who truly want to start out on the wrong foot. Tentative title: I Spent a Whole Month Researching Our Plan, So Its Gotta Work.

If ya' question whether I'm a smart dummy or just a dumb dummy, I have posted my Exectutive Profile for the amusement of doubters, haters, and the like.